Shy people can be introverts or extroverts, but no matter who they are, they tend to be misunderstood as arrogant. They are more likely to be judged negatively if they are also attractive, says Bernie Carduccipsychologist from Indiana University.
We’re taking a look at the reasons why our shyness can make people think we’re indifferent and sharing stories of people who are in the same boat.
Being shy can make us seem like snobs
If we feel shy, we tend not to talk much. But when we’re quiet, it’s hard for people to know what we think. There is even a phrase: “They are the quietest in sight” as if we are quiet because we hid something.
Some more outgoing people mentioned that they find quiet people intimidating because they find them unpredictable.
Having social anxiety can also affect our body language, which can give the impression of being arrogant. And it doesn’t help if you have naturally “unfriendly” facial features.
It’s even worse if you’re also an introvert, which means you need time to be alone or you’ll burn out. Choosing not to date other people can make you seem distant.
Usually when we do something that people don’t expect or don’t do something that people expect, they feel the need to find a reason for it.
So when we act differently around them than when we’re around people we’re close to, they can feel like they think they’re not good enough for us.
In our eyes, we’re just nervous, but in their eyes, we’re being mean for acting like we are.”too good” for them.
it happens to many of us
In high school, a popular girl told me, “Wow, I thought you were cold, but you’re actually really sweet.” I was the most innocent shy idiot, I just wore a lot of black eyeshadow. – mariachis/reddit
The first thing a coworker said to me, about 4 months working together, was: “Why are you so mean?” Like, I don’t even talk, what do I mean? — wish-i-were-a-dalek/reddit
I’m shy and I have a mark on my face that makes it look like I’m raising my eyebrows or rolling my eyes. I hear a lot: “I thought you were arrogant, but then I realized there was probably something wrong with you.” – rabbitwarriorreturns/reddit
Even celebrities face the same problem
Zendaya talked about trying to overcome her childhood shyness, especially as an actress. Her stylist once told her that she looks a bit cold and that people think she’s mean because she doesn’t talk. But the truth is that he was too nervous.
Rihanna said her biggest mistake is that people don’t know she’s shy. She admitted that she pretends it’s not happening so people think she’s confident. But in fact, she is so shy that she doesn’t want people to know that she is shy.
Zayn Malik confessed that he is not a very sociable person. Although he has a reputation for being a bad boy, he is actually an introvert who struggles with anxiety. He doesn’t mind being described as “misunderstood.”
But there are ways to avoid being misunderstood
Since being reserved can make us seem like ice kings and queens, we might try to appear modest by praising other people or directing the conversation to focus on people who like to talk.
Whenever you find it difficult to speak, you can try to speak with your face and body smiling, nodding, shrugging, etc.
However, if some people still get it wrong despite all that extra effort, it may be time to move on. Sometimes it’s better to be seen as arrogant than to be someone you’re not.
Have you ever heard someone say that you look cold? What did you do to make others understand you better?